What Fades Away

Claire's Journal - One


Claire lies on her stomach on the living room floor in front of the tv, like a kid doing their homework. In front of her is her Lisa Frank journal and a cat who’s eyeing her pen with predatory golden eyes.

April 24
Dani’s asleep. She barely slept last night so it’s no wonder she passed out so quickly. After last night, I’m wary about sleeping myself. Another fucking nightmare is the exact opposite of what I need before I risk the Hedge.

I can’t get the guilt out of my head. I haven’t cried for Dana because I’m too caught up in the idea that it could have been me or Dani. I’m not sad – I’m fucking terrified. And that fills me with guilt, but not the grief that I’m supposed to feel in the first place.

The Summer King wants the report right away but a part of me ~~o^^~ (the sentence becomes a large, illegible scribble suddenly)

Goddamn Nutmeg went after my pen. I shooed him off so he got pissy and went to sleep with Dani. I bet he’s going to stretch out and take up my side of the bed again.

I should be able to trust the King, right? I mean, he’s a head of the freehold – he wouldn’t be in the position if he couldn’t be trusted. But there was something about the Queen last night. Is this going to turn into an “us versus them” situation, Winter against Summer? I don’t care about any of the political bullshit, I just want this asshole taken care of.

They were pleased that I stepped up, so at least that’s a good thing. I don’t blame the others for wanting to avoid the shit – if I’d known it involved going into the Hedge and talking to goblins, I’d be looking for someone else to do it too. I just want to get it over with so I can get my head pats and recognition in the court.

Weird that all of this is happening on Sundays. This is going to end up being some fundamentalist Christian whackjob, isn’t it? I hate that shit. But then how’d they know about the Goblin Market? Need to get these questions out of my head so I go into the Market with a blank brain and no preconceived biases. If I start putting my own hangups on this guy before I’ve even started, then anything I find is going to be useless.

And I haven’t had time to harvest at all today so I’m getting antsy. I’ll have to get that done before heading to the Market, so at least I have something to power me through. And oh yeah, we need to get groceries. I’ll have Dani make the list because apparently Fruity Pebbles, Diet Coke and Lucky Strikes aren’t a balanced diet.

I miss apple Fruit Roll Ups. Why’d they have to get rid of that?



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